City Harvest Church. Thats english for "A Bunch of Certified Fucknuts"
City Harvest Church. The experience is describable in one word. FUCK.
It costs in the region of 20grand to rent an entire hall at the Singapore Expo for a day. And the place is huge. Lots of space to run around.
What was shocking was the sheer amount of people at this one service. And the ushers! By God, the usherers must number near a hundred!
It began like any service. Loud singing. Not mournful singing. But rock. And a bunch of 3000 fucking monkeys jumping around and enacting self induced seizures. And the pastor Kong got up and started his tirade of, "Turn to your neighbour, tell him its wonderful to have them here". Fair enough. But its here that I find enough time to look around the place. Its HUGE. It has state of the art sound systems. HUGE plasma TV. Sate of the art cameras you would only expect to see at some MediaCorp in house production i.e Star Awards. And the damn pastor's wearing a designer suit. Flashing strobe lights all around. I wonder if we liquidate all that rubbish, how many dying African children we could feed. And for how long.
Next was this video. Its exactly like the BS you find on Disney Channel. Two dumbass hosts talking absolute rubbish. But it was well put togehter. Another big piss off was advertising for this pastor whose coming down to give a talk on financial management. This guy happens to be filthy rich, and the head of some Baptist board. But wait. Tickets to the talk costs 500 quid?! WHAT THE FUCK? What kind of bullshit is that.
And next we have have pasotr Kock...I mean Kong yakking away with these two Indonesian blokes on stage. They are also rich. You can tell they're Indons by their stupid surnames and they way they speak. Like chicken bones stuck in the garbage disposal system in the sink. Like Chewbacca taking a shit. Tehy go on to rant about how they donated ALOT of money in their times of need, and how God gave them work the next Monday. And the next thing you hear is that these buggers have 5 or 6 properties here. Go back to fucking Indonesia and build your houses on cow plop, not here.
Again, pastor Kong does his stupid thing, telling the dumbass audience to this and that. And the audience clings on to his every word! And they frequently, on his behest, raise their hands and break out in random verbal diarrhea! Just to repliate the sounds, I'm going to use the convenience of the keyboard. It went something like this: " Rha-wa-ta-ya-pa-sa-aa-da-fa-ga-ha-ja-ka-la-za-ca-va-ba-na-ma". And these buggers start going into fits while doing this. Since they're at it, might as well flagelate themselves! But let me do the flagelation. And while the poeple on stage are talking, these idiots around me start nodding, exclaming "YEA!", and AMEN! and WHOO!.
Next comes some rednecked Texan fatass. He's a teleevangelist - John Avanzini. Teleevangelist. Thats also another word for "too much time on my hands so let me talk rubbish on tv after all its cable and theres the first amendment".
So he goes on about how money works wonders if you give it to God, and he starts mangling the Bible. Quoting from Genesis and saying that the forbidden fruit was God's tithe. And that the verses from other texts are financial verses. What rubbish! And he holds up this envelope, which everyone has becuase its placed on each seat, starts talking about the nice pictures and beatiiful verses on it. And then he moves on, subtly, to the donations. And man could he talk. He starts accusing the whole population of builfing our donations around our budgets, and that we give so little because we slack off as we are in a large community. Calls it "Blending in" he does. Next thing I know, he asks for the envelopes. And he pressures the crowd by saying that there is noobligation, No obligation my ass. And he keeps delaying and delaying, as if a few more minutes gives him more money. But this total dumbfucknutasshole to my left starts filling out the form even before the Avanzini is halfway through his speech.
Before you know it, there are at least 100 buckets on stage. Each filled with 10 envelopes all filled with cash, or promises of cash. Ryan and I just gave empty envelopes and an accompanying smirk. Ad at the end of the sermon - more insane seizures. These bastards ought to be caned. Not one, not twice, but 30 thousand times.
There was also an accompanying list about things to pray for. I will reproduce it here, and also come up with another list that is the counter, AND true christian thing to pray for.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It costs in the region of 20grand to rent an entire hall at the Singapore Expo for a day. And the place is huge. Lots of space to run around.
What was shocking was the sheer amount of people at this one service. And the ushers! By God, the usherers must number near a hundred!
It began like any service. Loud singing. Not mournful singing. But rock. And a bunch of 3000 fucking monkeys jumping around and enacting self induced seizures. And the pastor Kong got up and started his tirade of, "Turn to your neighbour, tell him its wonderful to have them here". Fair enough. But its here that I find enough time to look around the place. Its HUGE. It has state of the art sound systems. HUGE plasma TV. Sate of the art cameras you would only expect to see at some MediaCorp in house production i.e Star Awards. And the damn pastor's wearing a designer suit. Flashing strobe lights all around. I wonder if we liquidate all that rubbish, how many dying African children we could feed. And for how long.
Next was this video. Its exactly like the BS you find on Disney Channel. Two dumbass hosts talking absolute rubbish. But it was well put togehter. Another big piss off was advertising for this pastor whose coming down to give a talk on financial management. This guy happens to be filthy rich, and the head of some Baptist board. But wait. Tickets to the talk costs 500 quid?! WHAT THE FUCK? What kind of bullshit is that.
And next we have have pasotr Kock...I mean Kong yakking away with these two Indonesian blokes on stage. They are also rich. You can tell they're Indons by their stupid surnames and they way they speak. Like chicken bones stuck in the garbage disposal system in the sink. Like Chewbacca taking a shit. Tehy go on to rant about how they donated ALOT of money in their times of need, and how God gave them work the next Monday. And the next thing you hear is that these buggers have 5 or 6 properties here. Go back to fucking Indonesia and build your houses on cow plop, not here.
Again, pastor Kong does his stupid thing, telling the dumbass audience to this and that. And the audience clings on to his every word! And they frequently, on his behest, raise their hands and break out in random verbal diarrhea! Just to repliate the sounds, I'm going to use the convenience of the keyboard. It went something like this: " Rha-wa-ta-ya-pa-sa-aa-da-fa-ga-ha-ja-ka-la-za-ca-va-ba-na-ma". And these buggers start going into fits while doing this. Since they're at it, might as well flagelate themselves! But let me do the flagelation. And while the poeple on stage are talking, these idiots around me start nodding, exclaming "YEA!", and AMEN! and WHOO!.
Next comes some rednecked Texan fatass. He's a teleevangelist - John Avanzini. Teleevangelist. Thats also another word for "too much time on my hands so let me talk rubbish on tv after all its cable and theres the first amendment".
So he goes on about how money works wonders if you give it to God, and he starts mangling the Bible. Quoting from Genesis and saying that the forbidden fruit was God's tithe. And that the verses from other texts are financial verses. What rubbish! And he holds up this envelope, which everyone has becuase its placed on each seat, starts talking about the nice pictures and beatiiful verses on it. And then he moves on, subtly, to the donations. And man could he talk. He starts accusing the whole population of builfing our donations around our budgets, and that we give so little because we slack off as we are in a large community. Calls it "Blending in" he does. Next thing I know, he asks for the envelopes. And he pressures the crowd by saying that there is noobligation, No obligation my ass. And he keeps delaying and delaying, as if a few more minutes gives him more money. But this total dumbfucknutasshole to my left starts filling out the form even before the Avanzini is halfway through his speech.
Before you know it, there are at least 100 buckets on stage. Each filled with 10 envelopes all filled with cash, or promises of cash. Ryan and I just gave empty envelopes and an accompanying smirk. Ad at the end of the sermon - more insane seizures. These bastards ought to be caned. Not one, not twice, but 30 thousand times.
There was also an accompanying list about things to pray for. I will reproduce it here, and also come up with another list that is the counter, AND true christian thing to pray for.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dec 8 - 9, 2007
CHURCH PRAYER LIST
DR. KONG HEE & FAMILY
1. Anointing & wisdom of God to increase Kong's life and ministry.
Response: Pray for God to extend Kong's life to alleviate the suffering of the 7 plagues mentioned in the bible that will be inflicted upon him as he has added to the Good Book. And as John said, "I warn everyone who hears the prophetic words in this book (Revelation), and if anyone takes away from the words in this prophetic book, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city described in this book. If anyone adds to them, GOd will add to them the plagues described in this book."
2. Good health & divine protection on the Kong's family in the midst of all the travelling & mission trips.
Response: To New York, Paris, Milan, Las Vegas etc.
3. More open doors for Sun to do good humanitarian works among the poor & needy.
Response: A wider open pussy for Sun so that she can get more dance music priducers to get her to the top of the charts.
WEEKEND SERVCIES WITH REV> DR JOHN AVANZINI (DEC 8 - 9, 2007)
1. Divine strength and anointing upon Dr John Avanzini as he ministers to the church.
Response: Yea, divine strength to cart that fatass frame of his around.
posted by Gabriel at 11:08 pm
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